Most parents want their children to have a healthy sense of
self-esteem and many believe that low self-esteem lies at the
bottom of many of society's problems.

Even though self-esteem has been studied for decades, its
precise nature and development is still subject to debate.
However, child development experts generally agree that parents
and other adults who are important to children play a major role
in laying a solid foundation for a child's self esteem
development.

When parents and teachers of young children talk about the need
for good self-esteem, they usually mean that children should
feel good about themselves. With young children, self-esteem
refers to the extent to which they expect to be accepted and
valued by the adults and peers who are important to them.

Self esteem is so important in young children because it is a
self fulfilling prophecy. The more confident children feel
about their social, physical and intellectual success then the
more likely they will succeed. Conversely, the less confident
children feel then the more likely they will fail.

Children with a healthy sense of self-esteem feel that the
important adults in their lives accept and care about them.
They feel that those adults would be upset if anything happened
to them and would miss them if they were separated. Children
with low self-esteem, on the other hand, feel that the
important adults and peers in their lives do not accept or care
about them very much.

During their early years, young children's self-esteem is based
largely on their perceptions of how the important adults in
their lives judge them. The foundations of self-esteem are laid
early in life when infants develop attachments with the adults
who are responsible for them. When adults readily respond to
their cries and smiles, babies learn to feel loved and valued.
Children come to feel loved and accepted by being loved and
accepted by people they look up to. As young children learn to
trust their parents and others who care for them to satisfy
their basic needs, they gradually feel wanted, valued, and
loved.

Self-esteem is also related to children's feelings of belonging
to a group and being able to adequately function in their group.
When toddlers become preschoolers, for example, they are
expected to control their impulses and adopt the rules of the
family and community in which they are growing. Successfully
adjusting to these groups helps to strengthen feelings of
belonging to them.

Young children are unlikely to have their self-esteem
strengthened from excessive praise or flattery. On the
contrary, it may raise some doubts in children; many children
can see through flattery and may even dismiss an adult who
heaps on praise as a poor source of support--one who is not
very believable.

As they grow, children become increasingly sensitive to the
evaluations of their peers. When children develop stronger ties
with their peers in school or around the neighborhood, they may
begin to evaluate themselves differently from the way they were
taught at home. You can help your child by being clear about
your own values and keeping the lines of communication open
about experiences outside the home. You can also help by
teaching your child to socialize well with other children and
encouraging interaction with children with similar family
values.

Children do not acquire self-esteem at once nor do they always
feel good about themselves in every situation. A child may feel
self-confident and accepted at home but not around the
neighborhood or in a preschool class. Furthermore, as children
interact with their peers or learn to function in school or
some other place, they may feel accepted and liked one moment
and feel different the next. You can help in these instances by
reassuring your child that you support and accept him or her
even when others do not.

Self-esteem is most likely to be fostered when children are
esteemed by the adults who are important to them. To esteem
children means to treat them respectfully, ask their views and
opinions, take their views and opinions seriously, and give
them meaningful and realistic feedback.

A child's sense of self-worth is more likely to deepen when
adults respond to the child's interests and efforts with
appreciation or interest rather than just praise. Respond
positively by taking their interests seriously with appropriate
encouragement, for example, reading a book about dinosaurs or
studying worms in the garden.

Young children are more likely to benefit from tasks and
activities that offer a real challenge than from those that are
merely frivolous or fun. Young children can be given appropriate
responsibilities and tasks that make them a part of the
community or family.

You can help your child develop and maintain healthy
self-esteem by helping him cope with defeat as well as success.
In the moment of failure remind your child that you still love
and support him. Later, when the initial emotional response has
passed talk with your child about the situation. Sometimes, it
is important to point out that most people are not good at
everything they try. Or perhaps there is a lesson to be learned
from a mistake or lack of preparation. Teaching children to work
past the small disappointments and troubles of childhood can
help them handle the greater challenges life will throw in
their path.

As a parent, you play a primary role in the development of your
child's sense of self worth and that sense of self will play a
crucial role in your child's future success. Showing your child
that you value and care for her and helping her learn to value
herself can go a long way to building that important sense of
self esteem.

About The Author: Deanna Mascle shares more parenting tips with
her blog Official Family Information at
http://OfficialFamily.info