When I was growing up there was rarely an overweight child.
Occasionally someone would be plump, but I can’t remember
anyone in my class being fat. However, TV wasn’t around until I
was eight years old and the streets were a safe place to play.
We had plenty of P.E. in school and played hard after school.
Even as we grew older and had more homework, physical activity
was a major part of our lives. And there wasn’t as much junk
food around yet.

Today, the combination of processed junk food and the lack of
physical activity is a deadly combination regarding weight.
This is quite obvious to everyone. What is not so obvious is
the underlying factor that causes children to use food
addictively.

The underlying cause of all addictive behavior is the avoidance
of pain. Unfortunately, many children have a lot of pain to
avoid. While this has always been true, what is also true is
that the junk food, TV and video games, and the variety of
drugs on the streets were not available when I was growing up.
Children today can easily turn to processed food, drugs, and TV
to avoid their pain.

The problem is they don’t know any other way of managing their
pain. This is because their parents don’t know of healthy ways
of managing their pain. The chances are that the parents of
overweight children are not role modeling healthy ways of
dealing with pain.

Let’s take 10 year old Brittany as an example. Brittany is
overweight and addicted to sweets and refined carbohydrates.
Brittany’s father, Samson, is very overweight. He doesn’t
exercise at all and sits in front of the TV all evening
drinking beer. While Brittany’s mother, Paula, does not use
food addictively and does some exercise, she is addicted to
yelling as her way of handling her pain. And her yelling is
mostly directed at her only child, Brittany. In addition,
Paula’s life is totally focused around Brittany. Having no real
life of her own, her eyes are always on her daughter. In her
eyes, Brittany is a reflection of her and so she has to be
perfect. Her imperfections trigger Paula’s anger, which creates
much stress for Brittany.

Brittany feels invaded and controlled by her mother and resists
Paula’s control in a way that drives Paula crazy – she overeats.
Thinness is important to Paula and she desperately wants
Brittany to look the way she “should” look. But there is
nothing Paula can do to control Brittany’s eating, and the more
she tries, the worse it gets.

Brittany has learned to use food to avoid the pain of feeling
inadequate, unloved and controlled. She has learned to use food
to fill the emptiness she feels when her mother yells at her and
expects her to be perfect. Food is the friend she can count on
to soothe and comfort her. Paula has tried to restrict the
amount of food available in the house, but Samson just goes out
and buys more to fulfill his food addiction. And there is always
food available at Brittany’s friend’s houses. There is just no
way that Paula can control Brittany’s eating.

What Paula can do is take her eyes off Brittany and put them
squarely on herself. If Paula wants to help Brittany, she first
needs to help herself. She needs to learn healthy ways of
handling her own feelings of inadequacy and stress so that she
doesn’t take her pain out on Brittany.

Paula needs to become a healthy role model for Brittany
regarding taking personal responsibility for her own feeling
and behavior. Rather than trying to control Brittany, Paula
needs to show Brittany, by her own actions, how to take care of
her pain in healthy ways. A good place for Paula to start
helping herself and her daughter is to download our free course
at www.innerbonding.com. By learning and practicing the Six
Steps of Inner Bonding, Paula can gradually become the loving
parent that Brittany needs.


About The Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D., best-selling author of
eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By
You” and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing
process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE
Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her
at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com.