Does Your Child Have a Social Learning Problem?

Most parents know that the prevalence of learning disabilities
is skyrocketing. Including other neurodevelopmental syndromes
like ADHD, autism, and Asperger's syndrome, learning
disabilities have unfortunately become commonplace in the lives
of our children, and by extension,our families.

When most of us think of learning, we naturally think of the
kinds of learning that occurs in school. The most widely
discussed learning disability is dyslexia - and justifiably so.
Reading is the foundation for many other types of life learning,
and most of could agree that reading skills are essential.
Hopefully, other kinds of learning challenges, equally
important to a successful life, will soon gain greater
recognition and intervention.

Specifically, let's look at social learning problems, which
include the realm of nonverbal learning disorders. Social
learning plays a critical role in helping children manage
fundamental milestones such as forming friendships, making a
positive impression on others and learning to read nonverbal
communication - "body language." Because these learning skills
may not directly affect academic performance they are often
seen as less "urgent" than dyslexia or a math disability - but
don't believe it.

Social learning is every bit as important to healthy
development as learning to read or do fractions. In chapter
seven of my book, Boys of Few Words, I discuss new research
which identifies an important link between dyslexia and social
learning skills. It turns out that phonological awareness - the
ability to hear and discriminate word sounds - is a common
problem among socially challenged kids. In addition, can you
imagine how much less social knowledge you might have if you
weren't a reader?

Helping social learning problems can be complex because their
effects are often pervasive. Children with social learning
problems need assistance at home and school. Families that are
most successful in helping a child overcome social learning
problems collaborate carefully with schools. It is very
powerful for a child to see that significant adults in her or
his life are "on the same page." If your child is the
beneficiary of an Individualized Educational Plan (IEP), make
sure that social learning challenges are addressed within the
plan.

Five leading indicators of a social learning problem:

1. Limited Friendships - As you might expect, children with
social learning problems tend to have fewer friends, or tend to
quickly "go through" friends as they alienate peers in
succession. They may complain about the situation, or in some
cases, may try to conceal their hurt by diverting their focus
toward more solitary pursuits.

2. Excessive Self-Consciousness - Having a social learning
problem is difficult enough, yet for some children, their
awareness of the challenge makes life even more awkward and
anxious. Look for signs that your child becomes excessively
anxious around peers. As parents, we often try to coach kids
“just to be themselves,” but this is a tall order when a child
is self-conscious about every word or mannerism. Conversely,
sometimes a child is so "out of tune" with how he or she "comes
off" that there's not enough "self-consciousness," or self-
regulation (see #3).

3. Frequently Missed Social Cues - The technical term for this
problem is a pragmatic (practical) communication deficit.
Elements of pragmatic communication are discussed in depth in
Boys of Few Words because so many kids struggle with skills
like accurately "reading" gestures and facial expressions. When
you see your child misinterpret the body language of a peer,
react out of all reasonable proportion to the remark of
another, or fail to notice obvious nonverbal cues, you are
probably seeing a need for better pragmatic communication
skills.

4. Difficulty Sustaining Conversation - Being able to maintain
a flow of conversation appropriate to one's age is a basic
social necessity. A child may be very smart but still at a loss
for words. Such a problem is heightened by social anxiety -
which may stem from the very problem of being a poor
communicator! This relationship highlights the reciprocal
influence of communication and self- confidence. Gaining
expressive skills improves confidence and self-esteem.

5. Complaints that "Nobody Likes Me" - Because having friends
is so fundamental to a child's well-being, it is normal for
kids to be concerned about whether they have "enough" friends.
Bear in mind that while your child's complaints may indeed
reflect a problem, children and adolescents with social
learning difficulties often assume the worst, or exaggerate
their social failures. We shouldn't diminish the emotional
impact of having too few friends, but sometimes a little
"fact-checking" with a child's teacher can help gauge the
seriousness of the problem.

If you have concerns about your own child’s social development,
or are wondering if he or she has a non-verbal learning
disability, please don’t wait to seek assistance. Children with
social learning problems are more likely to feel isolated, bully
or be bullied, and suffer from low self-esteem. Talk to your
child’s school psychologist or guidance counselor, or get a
referral to a clinical psychologist who works with children to
get a thorough evaluation. A social skills group may be
particularly helpful to give your child a safe place practice
social interaction in a supportive atmosphere. To find one,
check with local psychologists, community and religious
organizations, or your child’s school. A good social skills
group will have a skilled mediator, clearly established goals,
and provide social learning in a fun and interactive way.


About The Author: Adam Cox, PhD, is a board-certified clinical
psychologist and author of "Boys of Few Words: Raising Our Sons
to Communicate and Connect" (Guilford Press 2006). For more
parenting resources, or for help setting up a social skills
group in your school, please visit http://www.dradamcox.com

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